


Behind Blue Eyes

by Laviente



Series: Written in the Stars [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Complete, Drama, M/M, Musing, POV First Person, Romance, self reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 04:42:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14156985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laviente/pseuds/Laviente
Summary: First person Pov told from Kurapka's perspective on how he was able to come to fall for the one person that nearly shattered his life.





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a side story in direct connection to Requiem of Fate and is the companion story to Amor Intro Coccina.

_"Is this how it always ends up?"_

 

Sometimes I wonder. It's a question that has wavered across my mind more times than I can even count. Whilst I have no answers, I still wonder, speculating on the reason for how and why things end up the way they do. Even then, I get lost in the philosophy of ways, scrutinizing everything, regardless of outcome. Perhaps this is just my perception talking. Or I am just being jaded. In any regard, I cannot help but falter back to the reasoning for why the occurrences in my own life had to beget the way they have.

 

It feels like I have always lived a life in constant turmoil, never really knowing where I was truly going, always believing that I was destined to waver between the balance of life and death. Especially after the annihilation of my clan. For me, that was the ultimate blow, leaving me in the confines of destitution and solitude. After everything I had been through, all that I had to suffer and endure, especially after standing to reason I only existed because of a special person, I faltered to reason that my existence had been mere conjecture and without any other purpose but one.  _Revenge_.

 

For so long I emancipated myself from the rest of the world, just like my clan had done and became isolated, convinced I did not need the comfort or sanctity of others. It was within that feigned comfort I had found for so long a pseudo solace that I had convinced myself was for my better interest. Anytime someone tried to get to close or try to become a part of my life, I'd waste no time pushing them away, self-preservation always kicking in fear of losing myself or sight of my goals. For me, wallowing alone in my own indescribable misery was no burden to anyone else, and friendships were solely a hindrance. I never wanted to drag anyone else down through my problems, attesting that those whom remained around me for far too long would only just get swallowed up in a sea of dejection and tribulation. There was never a desire to see anyone else bear the misery and pain I had always carried.

 

This is how I had always lived, and always kept just that right amount of distance from others as I was plagued with my own crippling emotions which were a constant battlefield within me between anguish and enmity. Those were moments where I faltered so close to the void that it felt like the end was nigh. So many times everything looked bleak and my own jaded perspective asperse to the real truth that was out there. I could see nothing else. Lost within my own turbulent convictions, I became so enclosed within myself that I was persuaded to believe that was all there really was.

 

I struggled with that even after one special kid managed to worm his way into my life. There was just something about him; his jovial and infectious personality made it just so difficult to completely ignore. Granted I was skeptical at first, but he managed to grow on me. Despite all my promises and vows that I wouldn't let anyone close to me or encroach on my life, there he was, bringing me down and actually giving me some partial semblance of peace. It was the very same which I had never found since that fateful day. But he had succeeded and I was grateful, despite I was still concerned about my own undulating troubles possibly becoming his as well, I graciously accepted his friendship, accepted all of them in fact. Even that lumbering buffoon and the wayward assassin.

 

They became like family for me and offered me the placidity which had been abolished after I had lost everything and had given me a reason to hope once more. I caved, joining beside them through so much. From everything at the Hunter's Exam to the tremulant affair of Yorknew, they were there through everything, especially during the moments where I had hit rock bottom. When trepidation would strike leaving me to second guess every decision made, never once had they wavered, sticking with me through every unjustified outburst or brash decision I made, even when the drive to eliminate the Spider grew so strong that I could not contain my own abhorrence.

 

Yet they were there, supporting me the entire step of the way. So many times they put their own lives on the line. Granted that never sat too well with me. It was a fear I had always harbored. The last thing I wanted was any harm to befall them, silent reckoning for anyone that would even dare to try. But for me it was a vice. A weakening vantage point I did not want anyone else to ever bear witness to. It was within that very reasoning I took matters into my own hands, tacitly decreeing that I would handle avenging my clan on my own.

 

I walked into that entire situation knowing just how far the odds were stacked against me, though I took my chances, risking everything. It was a gamble, toss of the dice and brazen choice to run headlong into a brooding den of vipers. It became more apparent after I killed one of their own just to extract the retribution I had desired for so long. There was just no place for anyone else during a menacing escapade such as that. It was my battle and mine alone.

 

After all that, coming so close to a finalization for my boundless suffering, I still faltered. Such snap decisions and alteration in the plans I had long since derived and the outcome ended up different. For so long I had steeled myself, gathered my resolve and prepared for that one time where I would seize the moment and take back what had once been so brutally ripped away from me. During those moments when I meditated, dug deep to develop and hone my skills in Nen, I had never once contemplated that one break in my own walls would soon cause them to loose integrity and collapse around me. It was there I had found just how weak I had become, despite those vows I had long since made to myself. It was in that moment, when elation had overtaken me amiss mounting rancor I had decided not to send the Spider's leader into total ruination. Instead I placed my Judgment Chain upon his heart, instilling practically the same limitations unto him as I had to myself. Hoping such would be sufficient to see that my own duty and goals had been carried out. But, it was not here that I found my cessation.

 

I remember it as vividly as I can recall any other memory, but this one is more prominent then most. We had all fulfilled our promises to meet in Yorknew City where a grand gathering was to take place for an event that only transpired once a year. This was the one point where the mafia families, both wealthy and not, those that ranked strong to lesser on the hierarchy scale all gathered for a set of rare auctions, ones that were renowned for pandering to those with the biggest wallet. Since I had known what type of items would be auctioned off – especially knowing that the very thing I sought would be within the valued commodities, it had made sense to me that a particular group of infamous thieves would more than likely make an appearance.

 

It wasn't long before my suspicions were proven correct and it wasn't long before I had found myself face to face with hell, itself.

 

So much destruction and death – even as I had witnessed their combined ambitions, I still waged war with my own morality and suppressing my burning contempt had become something that threatened even the ethics I set for myself so long ago.

 

It was just too much for me to contain without enacting upon it. How could I simply sit back and not do something?  _Anything_? No, those vows would not go unanswered, even though such acts I knew could have potentially stripped away even my own humanity, I had decided that day, which I had carried with me up to that point that I would see my pledge through and avenge my kin to give them the peace they had so deserved.

 

But who was I to decide fate? Those questions that were elusive to me never stopped their unabated taunting even when I stood face to face with one of those people who had garnered so much of my deep-seated wrath, ire and apathy. When the huge man had bore down on me with such defiance and ridicule, it only was  _antagonistic_  to my own unbridled and primal instincts and I knew I was slipping into the covenant of darkness, my heart ceasing to beat for any level of empathy and only sought his demise.

 

Capturing him didn't root out any of his arrogance and it was at that point when he made his gallant, yet violent escape that I had realized I had one duty and one duty only. There was no other option and for me and it mattered not if there really was. The objective was clear and seeing it through was the only thing of which had mattered to me.

 

The challenge was made and I knew, all the same animosity I so outwardly projected, that man made no pretense in concealing his own and knowing the risks, knowing there was potential I may not walk out of the situation alive, I still faced him, faced my own  _soul_.

 

My chains had struck tried-and-true, wrapping around the large man's heart without hesitation and I could still see that bold, yet ever present defiance he exuded prior still reigning strong in the depths of his hateful eyes. Such only instigated my own repugnance, the burning, unrestrained ambition to finally bring cessation to his existence was heightened and even in his last moments when I could see the life fading away, even then, he never let go of that insistent loyalty for his comrades, for the murderers of my  _entire family_.

 

Even after it was all said and done, when I stood there recollecting over everything that had occurred in self evaluation, even after I buried his body, there was still no solace to be found in my current progress.

 

Then the retaliation came and disaster struck, everything easily being laid to waste in the blink of an eye. Lives were being taken by the droves and indiscriminately, so many innocents, so much bloodshed and it was a revelation that led me further down my own destructive path that nearly sealed my fate.

 

Working with my friends, we concocted a plan and it was the one thing I knew would be the only outcome of which I could use as bargaining chip to finally bring about an ending to everything that had tormented me for so long.

 

In a moment of consternation, when diversion became key, it was then I had struck, using the bedlam as a cover to capture the Spider's leader that prostrated myself so close in completing my goals. But such wasn't the end result, even as I had finally faced the one person who had been the focal point of all my suffering and pain, something still foreign and strange coiled deep inside, even when he looked at me with his simpering expression, almost mocking, his eyes, dark and penetrating, though appearing emotionless, had somehow enraptured me despite my own loathing. I couldn't look away, feeling myself becoming slowly riveted; even as my chains wrapped around his heart, sealing off his Nen.

 

Just the notion left me repulsed; how I could feel something so natural, so personal towards the one of who I had detested so much was so easily able to manipulate me. At times I found it hard to resist, his charisma and beguiling charm left me questioning my own priorities. But even then, when the pull was great, when his instigation only seemed to needle prick my own resolve, I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous he was.

 

Every part of me reeled with aversion amiss the conflict of attraction and I knew that keeping him close to me for too long would only mean the desecration of who I was and everything I had so readily stood for, even if a part of me didn't want to let go. In the end I knew I had to finish what I started.

 

Of course, with the deal I had struck at the plea of Pakunoda and the sacrifice of her own life, I had conceded to releasing him, very well knowing there was a possibility someone out there could remove the very thing I had placed as a means of purgatory for him and means for my own release. For me, it was the only fortitude I could confide in.

 

It was not there that I would find my culmination. For so long after those events, I had realized a newfound stirring within, my mind behind its own betrayal as it would arduously wander. Endless nights I would spend, even while on my own precarious search for the missing Scarlet Eyes of my people, I would find myself delving back to that night. The very one where I had watched that tall figure retreating on that somber plateau, abnegation clear profession such was not the end with each stride he made as the distance between us grew. It was at that point I couldn't help but feel something awakening within. Traitorous deliberation soon became the forethought, driving me down into my own undoing.

 

Then the nightmares began which sought my own ruination, each reoccurrence only driving me further in to despair, haunting me day after day. Not long after had I realized the source of my discomfort. The prompt inadvertently caused me to seek,  _him_  out again. Even before, those precarious thoughts had dogged me, constantly making me falter back to the one person I couldn't seem to eliminate from my thoughts.

 

Never had I ever anticipated such a lecherous idea would come to mind. Though it was clear a more primal desire burned deep within. It disgusted me, and raised the bile into my throat at such a vile notion. Even after I found myself deviating from my goals to peruse a more condemned path and finally decide to peruse him, to seek the answers I so desperately needed and it soon became enticing to stalk my prey. For so long I had watched him, those emotions growing stronger by the day. Each and every time I would cross his path, my own instincts would surge, those licentious desires becoming almost unbearable, threatening to consume me and eat me alive. The burning need was almost too much for me to bear.

 

I could not comprehend why I was feeling this way. The one person who had become the focal point of every atrocity that occurred in my life I was finding myself becoming slowly attracted to. Like a moth to a flame, drawing me into his bewitching web. The day I actually confronted him and exposed myself, my own heart had begun to race, lending to dissidence despite my outward appearance. Still, he was able to sense without a shadow of a doubt exactly what turmoil I was going through, using it to his own advantage. At the time I was still at odds with what I was feeling and held a ferocious denial that I would  _never_  be able to harbor such inclinations for someone like him. But again, I was proven wrong, and soon found myself thrust into a constant power-struggle for dominance with the one person who would become my former enemy.

 

How it ever came to this, I may never know. I have long since stopped questioning as to why. For me, I have begun to focus more on the future, revealing in the newfound sensations that have been bestowed upon me, even if the method of acquiring them was less then commendable. For so long all I knew was loneliness and solitude. Always on the constant verge of total collapse, the sorrow nearly consuming me, and he changed all that. Perhaps I sound pretentious. Beguiled. Manipulated and coerced. All of it is far from the truth. I have made my own decisions regardless of circumstance; even in light of how those around me feel. The one thing I now have in my life has been uplifting and I have a renewed sense of vigor, and it's all because of him. Those memories, I have a fondness for, revealing in the very day I had finally realized what I wanted for so long.

 

After I confessed, having disregarded that welling adversity which boiled in the pit of my stomach, I realized the same was mutual for both of us. I didn't expect how I felt to be reciprocated - in the back of my mind my greatest concern was rejection. Such was not the case. Those grey eyes had bored down into my own, and I could tell he was just as transfixed by my own scarlet ones. Clearly his intentions were not a full embodiment of hatred or dissuasion, but something that bordered on desire.  _Passion_. For months we had been seeing each other in secret and the longer I remained within his grasp, the further I fell. One could say I was a fallen angel, descending from grace, but I beg to differ. There is no way I can change how I feel, nor would I. To lose this happiness I have would be to eviscerate a part of myself and befall into emptiness once more. That is not something I will ever commit to. I don't want to ever experience that indescribable loneliness again.

 

Those strong hands, alluring eyes and well toned, chiseled body, all of it is mine, along with his immense power and innate skill. Such mastery he has, like my very own, fitting so well together. I would never desire to lose something like this, that much has been proven to me. The first time we touched; I remember him pinning me up against a cold wall of the alleyway we had our rendezvous in, his frame pushed roughly against my own, heart palpitating within his chest, matching the same rhythm of mine as our hands locked together and held them down. A burning, wanton need smoldered within those eyes, it's all as vivid as I clearly remember, then his lips soon captured my own and it was over. All barriers simply melted away and I gave in. Just the taste of him alone was enough to drive me into madness. It was then I had let go of everything that I had harbored for so long. The enmity, the hate, all the anguish and destitution, it completely ebbed away.

 

Little by little I was left with only the growing desire to be with him. The growing passion and waves of lust constantly pulled at me, and every time we would touch or be close, I could sense that ache, every part of me submitting to the craving and need. Though that wasn't all I realized I had begun to feel. Something else stirred down within me, and I started to wonder if everything I had been experiencing was a form of love? That I could have been possibly feeling the very same thing which had been devoid from my life for as long as I can remember.

 

So starved I must had been. The longing, great as I realized just how deeply entrenched I was becoming. Yet, I didn't care just how mesmerized I was. How I still am. Every part of me was content with my current situation and its immense rewards. Sure I knew the consequences of my actions and exactly the weight they could entail. But this was my livelihood that was at stake and I wasn't about to dissolve that. To go back to how life was prior to this fateful encounter, it was something I knew I'd regret if I did. Taking my chances, I decided it was the best recourse. Never would I want to abolish what I found to be the greatest change in my life and the euphoria it brought to me.

 

I will dance with the devil and forge my own path, even if that means committing to sacrifices. I had to find my own way, one where I could manage my own destiny. It all felt so right, despite it went against everything I had once believed in. Perhaps I will be scorned, chastised and condemned for those choices, but I will live with that, knowing I will not have to wade through life alone anymore.

 

Maybe I am addicted. Perhaps it seems superficial. But there is no greater purpose then one where you have been given reason to carry on once again, to find your foot hold and continue forth. From the ashes of desolation and tribulation to the reaches of aspiration and fortification, it's as if I have been reborn again. Just like the myth of the legendary phoenix. Every time I am around him, I feel alive, s _o, so alive_ , and my own heart beats solely for him and him alone.

 

I will never let go. I will hold on until my dying breath. I will remain by his side until the very end. That much is a given. He has long since given me the reason to place all my faith and devotion into him. Proven to me that he is willing to rectify all that has been done and seek atonement. It's in these very professions that have kept me tied to him and coming back. It's been more than enough for me. So much that I have long since abolished any chance of ever finalizing my main goal. No, he has shown me that I have no need to anymore. Slowly I am finding myself becoming more and more forgiving. All the anguish I suffered for so long I am realizing is dissipating. Closer I am becoming towards him, and I am ready to devote my entire life. All I want and need is to be by his side.

 

Casting away my own belligerence and hate, I am finding myself ready to become loyal to a lifelong relationship that has given me considerable amounts of strength and solace. Hell, I have even relented and willfully became part of that very group which had once haunted me in my nightmares. Those chains I had forged in name of their annihilation have now found a different purpose, placing my Chain Jail into a sort of stasis. Now, I have no need to use it. I even went as far as to remove my Judgment chain from his heart and allowed the very symbolism of their inception to be delineated upon my skin. It is at this point, I feel ready to take on my own demons, turn the tide and dutifully protect that which is now going to be a part of my own life. My new family if you will.

 

Of course acceptance will have to be earned on both sides. Like them, I too have also taken something away, which has left long lasting scars. But I am sure in time, such will become abolished and integration will eventually become easy. There is never any easy road. I am prepared for this, as hard as I understand it will be. But I want this. I have made my mind and it is the only way I can foresee being with him. Nothing will stop me, even my friends. I am determined to follow my own path and write my own story. He is where my roost will be as I wish to live the rest of our days together. With him is where I want to be when I die.

 

It's so strange. Almost like a dream with no ending. Just the notion that I have finally allowed myself to submit to the one thing I had agonized over for so long, it's become utter bliss. All those times, lying awake at night with him beside me, the warmth of his body, those strong arms encased around me as our breathing fell into sync; each and every moment only lulled me, dragging me further and further into the abyss, clutching me tight. I enjoy it.  _All of it_. Even when we make love. Him against me, lips pressed together in torrid fervency, our physiques grinding on one another, hands caressing my skin as we falter to our passion; I just cannot seem to get enough. The cravings are too strong and such it's enticing honey. He is my praxis, keeping a constant hold on me. More and more I find just how attracted I truly am, and yet, it is within my own entrapment I will remain. Some may say I am foolish and brash, but I have no reason to run. I don't fear death, yet death is not forthcoming. He is just as entangled as I am, concupiscence the same as my own, aspiring the same goals as I, though such has gone beyond just mindless impetuousness. There is more, so much more. Its acuity stands to reason why we have come together the way we have. Differences set aside in favor of a greater purpose.

 

In the end I have concluded that perhaps, this is the very thing I had wanted and longed for; acceptance. There is no contesting it. I am deeply in love with him, just as he is with me. One would think someone of his stature was incapable of such a thing, but I know better. I have gotten to see just who he really is. I have seen the other side that no one else has ever seen, even his own Troupe. Bearing witness to that has opened my eyes. For one who held no regard for life or cared about delivering onslaught after onslaught is able to exhibit amnesty and compassion. Behind all the destruction and brackish facade lies just an ordinary man who wanted the very same as myself. It is in this that I have decided to bond myself to him and become his. There is a spark in those once dismal eyes and I know with enough time I can guide him and mold him. If not with my intellect, with my love. It is within these principals I retain faith.

 

I am at its core, a Kurta, but with him I will become something so much more. What was once lost, is now found and from here, I can go forth in confidence. With each hurtle I will face it with ferocity and determination, knowing that in the end, I have won the ultimate fight and came out on top, succeeding in earning the most important thing to me. I think I deserve this, after everything I faced through the course of my life. Granted I am still young, but I would rather live in light of happiness then in the shadows of torment. It may be selfish of me to say, but honestly I am seeking my own self-preservation, because for once, I have to think of myself. I've spent so long flustered and worried about the sanctity of others that I had neglected my own needs. Frankly, I'd like to move forward without withering in upending pain.

 

This is the start of something new and precious for me. I believe I am fully ready to walk into whatever shall be brought from it, as I have decided to hold my head up high and take whatever challenges are placed before me. For once, I feel I am prepared to receive the splendor that is finally being dolled to me and I can move forward with life knowing this.

 

It is due to this that I will say I am glad to have found someone who has turned out to be so special to me,  _so precious_ _._ The very same one who had captured and taken over me and made me feels so elated that I know nothing else. Whom has given me a newfound purpose, a fresh outlook on the way I have carried myself for all those years that I no longer feel the necessity to remain in complete anguish, because for so long all I did agonize over everything that had happened to me. But he has changed all that. Taken the lamentation away and replaced it only with a positivism so grand that I have been left in magnificent exuberance. What more can I say? As it is now, I feel I have everything I could ever want and it is all because of him.

 

How I ever got so lucky, I just may never know. But I won't question, fore I am just so grateful for what I have, now.

 

We are one, he and I. From two separate walks of life, two completely different paths that endured such horrific events and were able to join in unity. He will always be my one and only, I have no need to ever stray for it's only him I want.

 

A soft groaning pulls my attention and I look over to stare at the countenance of my beloved as he continued on in his slumber, silken raven tresses loose and hanging over his closed eyes. Gingerly, I lift my hand and my fingers sweep them away, exposing the gorgeousness I had so found myself entranced by and I leaned in to kiss his forehead, right where the cross laid upon his skin. For a moment he stirred and I smiled; I couldn't help but feel that pang in my own heart as I watch him, remembering every reason of why I loved him so.

 

His breathing evened out once again and he faltered back into a peaceful sleep. For a long time I had laid awake, musing over everything I had gone through in my young life and laying beside is the one thing which has instilled so much happiness and finally brought back the clarification that even now, I could never refute. Because I have finally learned to accept that living in the past was only stripping away everything that made me who I was and had been slowly killing me. In the end, he saved my life, saved me from myself and I can only stand eternally grateful.

 

I inch closer, my body finding the niche against his own and I feel strong arms suddenly come around me as his nose burrows against my neck, "I was wondering if you was actually awake." He murmurs against my flesh as his warm breath dusts over the surface causing me to shudder instinctively.

 

Slowly I wrap myself around his own body as he pulls me tight against him and our legs curl around one another, "Yeah, I had been for a while. I didn't mean to wake you." Sighing in contentment, I lay my head against his chest as he adjusts, face now buried within my hair, "I just couldn't sleep."

 

A soft hum is my immediate response and one of his hands begins trekking soothingly up and down along my bare spine; I couldn't help but placate, the touches so comforting, "Having nightmares again?" He questions, showing concern for my wellbeing, which I could never fault him for. Never once has he ever showed detachment towards my feelings.

 

"No, just finding it hard to rest, whatever the reason is." I breathe in his scent, drawing in the concoction of musk, spice and a hint of patouille; I can tell he used the special soap I had brought for him during my last excision and it made me elated to know that even he cherished the little things I do for him. "I was just thinking, really."

 

His arms tightened around me and his fingers started to knead into my muscles; the tenderness and good sensation elicited a soft moan from my lips. Such only instated his hold and I could feel every inch of him firmly against my smaller body. "You're not still mad at me for running off earlier are you?"

 

For a moment I was taken aback by his statement. Granted I had been slightly miffed when I had awoken to realize the bed was empty and the spot beside me, cold only to learn he had slunk off in the night without so much as a word while it was raining for whatever reason, but I have forgiven him since. Having him back beside me and wrapped up in each other's embrace was enough to abate me. "Why would I still be mad? Honestly I have no real reason to you big lummox." I nip playfully at his exposed chest, only to follow it with by a soft kiss, showing him that I just cannot stay angry with him.

 

He chuckles and his fingers dip down to cup my chin, lifting my head up so our eyes meet. Those dark, fathomless pools, oh how they drink me in and I am just as certain the same is for him regarding my own blues. A smile creeps over his face and for a brief moment in time, the world seems to still before his mouth encompasses my own, drawing me into a sweet, yet delectable kiss. Seamlessly, his tongue draws between my own and I am instantly drowning in a sea of utter ecstasy. I can't even resist, not that I want to and just easily meld into it, my own tongue seeking out his as they glide and dance along one another, his flavor so delectable, so  _infallible_.

 

When we finally part, I can barely breathe and my face I know is flush. Our hearts are pounding, rhythmic and in union, just like our lives and our love. "Well. I am here, now. So worry not my beautiful Kurta, my precious love, I am going nowhere so at least try and get some rest." The fingers of one hand made their way to card through my tresses and I couldn't help but purr.

 

I ignored the sarcastic pet names; though I do find it sweet, sometimes it's rather embarrassing and the heat rose up and over my cheeks, this time, enhancing the flush from our passionate kiss and making me meeker then I really care to be. Still, just the way he protects me, the empowering force of his undying compassion and empathy; it only furthers the depth of our emotional bond.

 

"Don't worry, I planned to. I just wanted to enjoy a few moments with you before trying to sleep again." I confess as I replace my head back against him, but this time I burrow my nose into his neck as my own arms wind firmly around his shoulders. I let my eyes slip closed once more, trying to find that level of tranquility which would bring me back into a contented slumber.

 

Just as I have, he does the same, letting himself relax as we hold one another and soon he drifts, finding his own way into a path of dreams.

 

For just a little longer I wait, knowing I would soon follow him as the lull of placidity grips at me. Though I cannot help but believe that I owe the man entangled with me so much. Even as I mouth the words that I know is now too late for him to hear.

 

It is because of you, Chrollo that I am still here today. That I have found a new stride and have been able to see now with new and refreshed vigor. My eyes have been opened, and I envision a beauty I had not seen before, being allowed to truly see what lies before me. It is all because you gave me the chance. For this, I am eternally grateful. It is also one reason I have fallen so much in love with you.

 

You may be who you are. Your past, dark, your predisposition the reason for continuing forth as you have, but I accept you all the same, and hopefully one day, we can make something so much more. Find a better propriety, and lift so much higher and into a greater sense of being and reach that level of annuity that we can be so proud of. I never want to see this end. I want to see this last forever. I want to be with you until the day I take my dying breath, until the very end of time, itself.

 

I love you so much. You are my world. My…  _Everything_ _._ My life is yours, now. I have relinquished myself to you, heart, body and soul. Nothing could be more superlative then this. Every breath I take, I take only in your name. I attribute everything I am today because of you. To which I can never thank you enough. What you do to me, how your presence effects me, just the way you look at me when you are near, I cannot express how you have that lingering pull upon me and how I continue to gravitate back towards you. It is also why I remain, because I cannot envision a life without you in it. I think otherwise, I would be empty. It is not something I relish to think of, and I will do what it takes to ensure that you never want to leave.

 

From now on, evermore, I will always be with you. That will never change. So long as I exist, it is how I will always feel. You are important to me.  _Special._  You are my rock, you ground me. I am stable now and able to stand tall. Without you, none of this would have come together or into being. I wouldn't be where I am today.

 

This is truly what love is and I have found it in you. I don't have to look any more. I can finally stop and rest, because now I have it all.

 

And in the last moments of being awake I revel in just how truly lucky I really am. My heart echoing the truth of my stance and I utter quietly, "I will love you. Always and forever," before sleep grips me completely and I fall under, and too, into the realm of blissful dreams.


End file.
